Answered Prayer

I had the heart cath on March 6th and found out that day that I didn't have the terminal illness that was suspected. The cardiologist did find an anomalous RCA and scheduled me for a CAT scan to find out the origin and course of the artery. I knew that the CAT scan would determine if the anomaly was benign or malignant and whether I would need heart surgery or not.

I had the scan on a Wednesday and received a call from the cardiologist the next day. They told me that they needed to see me to discuss the results. My appointment was scheduled for the following Tuesday. Up to that point, I had such peace about all of this but with that one phone call, I became unglued inside.

After much soul searching over the next couple of days I realized that I wasn't fearful of the outcome. Instead, I was bothered by the wait. I didn't like that the doctor knew my results and I didn't. I wanted to know my "fate" right away. This impatience manifested itself in me in the from of constant internal turmoil. I woke up thinking about it, went to bed thinking about it and struggled with those thought all day.

This was so out of character for me. When I went through brain surgery almost a decade ago, I was flooded with the peace that passes all understanding. In every difficult situation along the way the Lord gave just what I needed, when I needed it. This constant anxiety became a big internal struggle for me.  I was reminded of a story I heard from Francis Chan where he talked of a church member who was a former Mr. Universe or something like that. His wife was also a body builder and together, they were quite an impressive pair. Anyone would expect that their children would be strong and tough, too but what if, he mused, they were the weak, little twerps. Then he made the connection between that scenario and the Lord.

We serve a mighty and powerful God who is capable of ANYTHING. Why then do so many Christians was around fearful and anxious when we're His children? It just doesn't add up! Because of this, I could not accept anxiety as a "normal" emotion given my circumstance. God promises peace in ALL situations so I began to plead to the Lord to help me through the impatient feelings I was having and to replace them with peace.

For days, this way my constant prayer but no matter how hard I prayed and how much scripture I read, I couldn't shake the anxiety. I felt so strongly that no matter what I would have to face in regard to my health that I wanted to look back and know I pleased my Heavenly Father with how I handled it so I prayed even more.

Finally on Sunday, still two days until my appointment, I pleaded with the Lord to give me a word or something that would ease my heart and mind. Later that afternoon, a good friend of mine came to visit. When she heard about my heart troubles she prayed for me as we walked around camp. She had no idea of the inner turmoil I was facing but as she prayed for me, she said, "And I thank you Lord that you already know..."

With those words and the realization that God already knew the results, I was filled with peace... a peace that washed away the anxious feelings. It was so elementary (Duh! I knew that God knows everything!) but that was the word from God that I had prayed for earlier and it was just the reminder I needed. I didn't need to know my results right away because God already knew. God is so faithful to have answered my prayer.

With that, I went into Tuesday with true peace and patience. And wouldn't you know, my cardiologist was ill on Tuesday and couldn't see me until Wednesday.  When the doctor's office called to reschedule I didn't even feel upset for a moment because I immediately recognized it as a test to see if I would only trust Him for so many days:) I praise the Lord for bringing me through that experience and He has continued to give me what I need to walk this out. He is faithful!!!

Seven Week Update

Can you believe it has been 7 weeks since my OHS? The time has really flown by. I am happy to report that I am doing better than I ever thought I would be at this point (and I have high expectations:). I truly anticipated a full 12 weeks before I could handle my normal day-to-day activities and feel like myself. But... here I am, feeling like I'm at about 80% of "normal" (I use that term loosely!). That's especially encouraging because many people told me it would take 1-2 years before I felt like myself again (which is how it was for me after brain surgery so I understand). 

Here are some recent highlights:

• I am regularly walking 3 miles (in my NB shoes) and jog several short sessions during those walks. This past Friday, my jogs totaled 1 of those three miles. 
• I am preparing meals and doing regular clean up around the house. Certainly not sweeping, mopping, or lugging around baskets of laundry but my delegation skills are as sharp as ever!
• I can take care of my children, run errands with them and take them around camp, just like before surgery.
• I can get dressed in normal clothes. When I put a t-shirt on over my head last week, I made sure everyone in the house knew!
• Thanks to a dear friend, we spent all day Saturday at the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta (a 1-2 hour drive). I navigated the crowds with the best of 'em.
• My happiest milestone... I am sleeping in my bed and on my side. Ahhhh.... never underestimate the power of sleep.

Speaking of sleep, last night our littlest blessing came into our room around 1 AM complaining of an upset tummy:(  She ended up vomiting from 2-4:30 AM. This may sound crazy but I was so happy and thankful to be physically capable of caring for her, which involves hopping in and out of bed at a moment's notice. She had a touch of a stomach bug about three months ago, at the same time that I was in the hospital for a heart cath. I ended up staying overnight in the hospital due to a minor complication and then staying a couple of nights at some friends' house so make sure that I didn't get the bug. Being away from her when she needed me was difficult. I'm just so happy to be able to be her mommy- in the happy times and the yucky times!

The only restriction that the doctor says remains on me at this point is no lifting over 10 pounds until 10 weeks post-op. That's only three weeks away and you can bet that the first "thing" I pick up with be my sweet little four year old. We have a lot of holding to make up for!

P.S. Please pray that I don't get whatever Little Bit has. I don't think that would feel too good in my chest:) Thanks!

AQUARIUM FUN

 Two of the girls waiting for the 3-D show to begin.

Two of my favorite guys. This was taken outside the Aquarium after our full day. (And there's my narly scar  Badge of Courage:)

My Help Comes From the Lord

(I don't know if anyone else wants to read these posts, but I want to record the wonderful the things the Lord has done for me lately. And if someone else reads it and God gets the glory, then all the better.)

As surgery grew closer, I had a lot of people asking me if I was getting nervous or suggesting to me I must be nervous. There were tears in people's eyes as they hugged me telling me they hoped the surgery would go well. I remember the same thing before brain surgery years ago. There was something behind those words, those tears and those hugs. It was as if loved ones weren't sure if it would be their last interaction with me. The night before brain surgery, I let the answering machine pick up all my calls. I so appreciated their thoughts and their intentions but there was fear in their voices and I had to stay far from that. The Lord had given me peace that passes all understanding and I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.

On the Wednesday night before heart surgery, I was hearing a lot of these comments. As I walked from church supper to the sanctuary for prayer meeting I started to wonder why I felt so confident if everyone around me looked at me with sad and fearful eyes. Was I being ignorant? Was there something I was supposed to be afraid of? Did I not see the whole picture?

The answer to those questions seemed to come straight from the Lord. My lips started to audibly recite Psalm 121. This is a chapter from the Bible that I memorized with my kids years ago. To be honest, I hadn't thought of the verse in a very long time yet here it was welling up from my heart and rolling off my tongue as if I just learned it last week.

Here's what it says:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

The Lord was using the verse to remind me why I had such peace and confidence. I could face surgery, or anything in life, because my help comes from the Lord! Amen!

This is such a testimony for scripture memory. Learn it. Tuck it away. And when you need it, it's there! I needed it that day and am so thankful that though I wasn't consciously thinking of it, it was there. 

A Quick Progress Report

Monday will be 6 weeks since surgery.
Here are some milestones I reached this past week:

~I can now put on shirts over my head which means I don't have to wear the same two shirts all the time. I called the whole family out to see me wearing a t-shirt. I don't know if they were excited but I sure was!!!

~I am driving again. The doctor told me I could start driving again a week and a half ago but I wasn't ready. I drove yesterday and today and it went well. I wasn't near as excited about this as I was about the t-shirt because, personally, I refer being chauffeured around;)

~I am down to taking just a couple Motrin before bed. 

~I logged 15.5 miles this week! I am enjoying my morning walks and really soak up the beauty of the time of day... birds singing, wildflowers swaying and gentle breezes blowing. I don't miss a thing.

~I have started adding some very short jogging segments into my walks. Don't worry... the doctor said it's OK (remember, he's the one who operated on my heart and has done tons of these surgeries). I'm easing into it but am so excited with my progress.

The only trouble I still have is with sleeping and getting comfortable for the night but that will come with time, I'm sure. 

Thanks for the prayers and support!

An Unsung Boston Hero

Two years ago I ran almost every step of the Boston marathon with a complete stranger, Bernard Castro. By the end of our 26.2 miles we were no longer strangers but had become good friends who had seen each otherthrough the world's greatest marathon in almost 90 degree weather.
Last year I returned to Boston but was unable to finish because of the horrific bombings. Bernard followed my progress on Facebook from Texas.
Last fall, I eagerly registered for the 2014 Boston Marathon and looked forward to finishing what I started last year and being part of the remembrance that would take place.
Then I started training... hard. During this training I started paying closer attention to chest pain and other heart symptoms that I had been experiencing for some time. This led me to seek medical help and within a couple of months I was diagnosed with an anomalous RCA, a condition known for killing athletes.
Last Monday, 364 days after I only made it 25.5 miles in the 2013 Boston Marathon, I underwent open heart surgery to repair my congenital defect.
That brings us to today. Today was the 2014 Boston Marathon. I was registered for that prestigious race. I had a race packet, race number and race shirt waiting for me. Instead if crossing that famous finish line, I'm learning to take short walks and do breathing exercises. I am thankful to The Lord for where I am and how far I've come but all day my heart has been in Boston.
During the same time that the marathon was being run, a packaged arrived for me that contained a brand new pair of running shoes in my size. They were from Bernard. He knew what I would be facing emotionally today.
For the first time since all of my health issues unfolded, I cried. Those shoes are a symbol to me that I will be back. Back to Boston? Maybe. Back to running? Definitely.
Thank you Bernard (and family) for sending hope in a New Balance box. And as the Bible says, hope does not disappoint.

Our First Home School Graduate

A little over 16 years ago, I was great with child... our first. One day I came home and told Casey that I felt the Lord was telling me that we were supposed to home school our child. I knew this had to be from the Lord because Casey and I are both  the product of public schools and didn't have anything against them or any reason to do anything different with our own chidren. Furthermore, we only new one or two people who home schooled so we didn't even really know all of what homeschooling entailed. Naturally, I never thought Casey would go for the idea but to my amazement, his response was, "I couldn't think of a better person to teach our child than you."

We both gushed at the thought and then agreed that we would just do the homeschooling thing until she was in middle school because homeschooling longer than that would be weird.

So I started right away, of course. I bought a belly belt that had speakers in it and hooked it up to my cassette playing Walkman because I was cool like that. And so my little unborn baby was listening to Bible songs and Mozart while I walked, sat and slept. I also collected a few children's books and began to read them out loud to my navel. As soon as we brought our firstborn home from the hospital, I started with reading flashcards and weekly trips to the library, where I spread out a blanket on the floor, laid her on it, and read to her. I was homeschooling!

By the time Kelsi was old enough to officially start school, we were surrounded by homeschoolers. God is so good. All we had to do was obey and He provided others to help us along the journey. Many of those "others" were homeschooling their middle and high schoolers and, to our surprise, they weren't weird!

Now, 16 years later, we may or may not be weird. The jury is still out on that. But, weird or not, our little Kelsi was home schooled all the way through high school and this past Saturday, she graduated.

When I saw her coming up the isle in her cap and gown my mind drifted back to that day when the Lord led us to home school. Then it flipped through the many memories we made together on the home schooling journey: learning to read, doing experiments, playing Play Dough, doing co-ops, writing papers, going on field trips and so much more.

I'm so thankful that I got to be the one there for that. We sacrificed a lot and it wasn't easy but, yes, it was worth it. I'm also beyond grateful that I got to be there last Saturday to see her graduate. There were many tearful eyes that day as her daddy and I walked up on stage to give her the diploma. God was merciful to our family to allow me to be there to witness and celebrate such a momentous occasion for our family.

I Took A Walk Today

I took a walk today... not my first but for some reason I thought this one would be different.
I took a walk today and was going to go farther than I have all month.
I took a walk today and imagined that I would head out the door with a little pep in my step.
I took a walk today with my new shoes on. They were going to make me faster.
I took a walk today and planning on pumping my arms a little, stretching a bit and even doing a lunge or two.
I took a walk today and instead of feeling victorious, I battled discouragement.
I took a walk today and felt sore, slow and limited.
I'll talk a walk again tomorrow.